Emotional management & remedy of psychological hurts

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Humans are combination of body and nafs i.e psychology. When some one says that Mr. X is a good person, they are referring to Mr. X’s psychology. When Mr. X dies, people refer to the physical form of Mr. X as ‘body’, i.e they say that the body is lying on the bed not as Mr. X is lying on the bed.

Physical wounds on the body of a person are easy to see. The psychological wounds can not be seen, however they manifest in one’s personality. Similar to physical hurts and wounds which need be treated otherwise infection can spread in the body, the psychological hurts and wounds need be treated, otherwise they can lead to psychological problems damaging one’s personality.

The three main types of psychological hurts experienced by people are given below:

Psychological hurts from the creation of God. One is not satisfied with what has been created by God of him or her. People would look upon others and wish that they were like some other person.

Second type of psychological hurts are from other people. You are hurt by what people say about you or the way they treat you, which you may find insulting and hurtful.

Third type of psychological hurt come from hurting some one i.e reproach from your conscience. It can come even as a reaction to the 2nd type of hurts, i.e you react back to people and hurt them in return. It may feel good temporarily however, because of the law of Qasas/retribution, another hurt of similar proportion is inflicted on one’s nafs when one inflicts a hurt on someone (see previous post https://topicsfromquran.com/2017/06/04/qasas/)

The psychological hurts reside in one’s Nafs/psychology and if allowed to linger on, they may become chronic psychological problems damaging one’s personality permanently. Sometimes they manifest physically as well i.e making certain ridges or deformities in the brain triggering a particular evil and then that evil would become part of that individual’s personality with obviously bad outcome.

2:155  وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ

We shall certainly put you to trial with something of fear and hunger, some loss in wealth and nafs/psyche and of the fruits (of your toil), and give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere.

Allah has informed that He will certainly put to trial everyone with some loss in wealth and nafs/psychology. Many people live their lives in constant fear of something bad or disastrous happening to them. This fear does not help them live a peaceful life. A believer in God’s Word can lead a contended life, if he would expect that Allah’s trial will surely come to him and that this trial will be to see if he exhibits perseverance or not. The believer expects the trial, he knows that the trial is temporary ( إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا ), and the trial will be according to his capacity (لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ). With this knowledge, the believer need not live in constant fear of losses in wealth, health and nafs but to be prepared and ready for it to earn Allah’s reward on passing successfully the trial.  

The tendency of a common person is to play blame games when encountering adverse situations in life and feel victimized:

75:2  وَلَا أُقْسِمُ بِالنَّفْسِ اللَّوَّامَةِ

And by the self-reproaching nafs/psyche

When encountered with an adverse situation in life, a person will blame something or someone, without realizing that he is currently under trial by Allah. And glad tidings to those who exhibit patience as they realize it is their chance to earn rewards of Allah by being successful in the trial. Even when the hurt comes from some other person, believers should not play the blame game as it would not have come without the leave of the Lord. So the patient ones, who persevere in adverse circumstances and don’t loose control of their minds and try to correct, are those who will succeed.

2:156-157  الَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَتْهُم مُّصِيبَةٌ قَالُوا إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ  أُولَٰئِكَ عَلَيْهِمْ صَلَوَاتٌ مِّن رَّبِّهِمْ وَرَحْمَةٌ ۖ وَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْمُهْتَدُونَ

Those who say, when afflicted with calamity  “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”. They are those on whom are salwats/blessings from Allah, and mercy, and they are the guided ones.

They persevere with patience under trial and say that we are indeed for Allah and to Him is our return, meaning we are not here for the world so the worldly problems and trials are insignificant for us. 

57:22-23  مَا أَصَابَ مِن مُّصِيبَةٍ فِي الْأَرْضِ وَلَا فِي أَنفُسِكُمْ إِلَّا فِي كِتَابٍ مِّن قَبْلِ أَن نَّبْرَأَهَا ۚ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ عَلَى اللَّهِ يَسِيرٌ  لِّكَيْلَا تَأْسَوْا عَلَىٰ مَا فَاتَكُمْ وَلَا تَفْرَحُوا بِمَا آتَاكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّهُ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍ فَخُورٍ

No misfortune/calamity happens on the earth or in your nafs/psyche but is in a book before We release it. That is truly easy for Allah. So that you may not grieve over what you lose, and not be over joyous over what is bestowed by Allah, for Allah does not love any arrogant boastful person.

People are actually helpless in matter of divine destiny. People should always keep in mind, that despite all their successes in life, Allah can take back every thing. All your properties or wealth which you may have spent several years building, may be destroyed by natural calamity or by health problems in matters of minutes. Again everything belongs to Allah and people should not grieve over what they lose or be boastful of what Allah has provided from His bounties. They should always be ready for trial by Allah.

For dissatisfaction in matters of creation of God, believers must realize that the opinion of the Lord matters much more than the opinion of other people. Allah has created everyone in the best of proportion. In the eyes of Lord, you are among the elite ones if you are a believer. Those rock stars, most adored in the world by people, may not necessarily be the favorites of God. Therefore the supreme success is not in getting people’s approval but in getting the favor of the Lord by acting righteously with faith in God’s Word.

3:139  وَلَا تَهِنُوا وَلَا تَحْزَنُوا وَأَنتُمُ الْأَعْلَوْنَ إِن كُنتُم مُّؤْمِنِينَ

So do not lose heart, nor fall into despair, for you are the elated ones if you become the believer.

3:140  إِن يَمْسَسْكُمْ قَرْحٌ فَقَدْ مَسَّ الْقَوْمَ قَرْحٌ مِّثْلُهُ ۚ وَتِلْكَ الْأَيَّامُ نُدَاوِلُهَا بَيْنَ النَّاسِ وَلِيَعْلَمَ اللَّهُ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَيَتَّخِذَ مِنكُمْ شُهَدَاءَ ۗ وَاللَّهُ لَا يُحِبُّ الظَّالِمِينَ

If a wound has touched you, be sure a similar wound has touched the others. Such days (of varying fortunes) We rotatate among people, so that Allah may know those who believe, and that He may take witnessess among them, and Allah does not love Zalimeen/wrongdoers.

A psychological hurt when harbored for long time converts into a psychological wound. A person inflicted with misery and having psychological wounds, may grieve and complain why he alone is chosen for this misery. However, similar wounds are with everyone. He should not think that he is singled out to be unfortunate in the world. Every body is inflicted with similar wounds. Allah does not burden any one more than his capacity. These trials are from Allah. He keeps on revolving the difficult days on people for their trial. So the believers believe in Allahs’ trials and help themselves with consolation from this knowledge.

3:172  الَّذِينَ اسْتَجَابُوا لِلَّهِ وَالرَّسُولِ مِن بَعْدِ مَا أَصَابَهُمُ الْقَرْحُ ۚ لِلَّذِينَ أَحْسَنُوا مِنْهُمْ وَاتَّقَوْا أَجْرٌ عَظِيمٌ

Those who responded to Allah and the Messenger, after that a wound has been inflicted on them; Those people of them who do right and take guard of Allah, there is a great reward;-

The people who understood that the psychological hurts they received are a trial from Allah. They get clarification of their hurts from Allah and messenger (they seek a situation in the Book of Allah similar to their situation), these people who did correction; did not blame any one or Allah for their sufferings and persevered; for them is a great reward.

22:15  مَن كَانَ يَظُنُّ أَن لَّن يَنصُرَهُ اللَّهُ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالْآخِرَةِ فَلْيَمْدُدْ بِسَبَبٍ إِلَى السَّمَاءِ ثُمَّ لْيَقْطَعْ فَلْيَنظُرْ هَلْ يُذْهِبَنَّ كَيْدُهُ مَا يَغِيظُ

If any one thinks that Allah will not help him in this world and the Hereafter, let him stretch out a means to the sky and cut (himself) off. then let him see whether his plan will remove that thing which enrages (him)!

There is no escape for a person who loses hope in the world and hereafter except his recourse to Allah. He cannot escape anywhere. Even death and suicide doesn’t help as he has to go back to Allah in any case. Therefore, one cannot lose hope in Allah and should always revert back to Him and not to take any irrational decision.

9:40  إِلَّا تَنصُرُوهُ فَقَدْ نَصَرَهُ اللَّهُ إِذْ أَخْرَجَهُ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا ثَانِيَ اثْنَيْنِ إِذْ هُمَا فِي الْغَارِ إِذْ يَقُولُ لِصَاحِبِهِ لَا تَحْزَنْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَنَا ۖ فَأَنزَلَ اللَّهُ سَكِينَتَهُ عَلَيْهِ وَأَيَّدَهُ بِجُنُودٍ لَّمْ تَرَوْهَا وَجَعَلَ كَلِمَةَ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا السُّفْلَىٰ ۗ وَكَلِمَةُ اللَّهِ هِيَ الْعُلْيَا ۗ وَاللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ

If you people won’t help him (The Messenger), Allah did indeed help him, when the unbelievers drove him out. He was the second of the two when; they two were in the cave (deep in despair), and he said to his companion, “Have no fear, for Allah is with us”. Then Allah sent down His peace upon him, and strengthened him with forces which you people did not see, and made the sayings of the rejectors lowly and the Word of Allah is exalted one for Allah is Exalted in Might, Wise.

This is a particular situation experienced by people who start following the path of Allah leaving the deviant path of their community, if the community does not believe in Allah’s Word. At some point in their journey, they are left off by even their near and dear ones and they find themselves in a hole of despair when everyone leaves them in their belief. At this point the Messenger becomes their companion, and consoles the individual. Allah helps them by making the sayings of rejecters the lowly ones and exalts the Kalima/Saying of Allah against the rejecters Kalima/sayings and supports the believers with such forces that nobody can see.

4:17  إِنَّمَا التَّوْبَةُ عَلَى اللَّهِ لِلَّذِينَ يَعْمَلُونَ السُّوءَ بِجَهَالَةٍ ثُمَّ يَتُوبُونَ مِن قَرِيبٍ فَأُولَٰئِكَ يَتُوبُ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِمْ ۗ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًا  وَلَيْسَتِ التَّوْبَةُ لِلَّذِينَ يَعْمَلُونَ السَّيِّئَاتِ حَتَّىٰ إِذَا حَضَرَ أَحَدَهُمُ الْمَوْتُ قَالَ إِنِّي تُبْتُ الْآنَ وَلَا الَّذِينَ يَمُوتُونَ وَهُمْ كُفَّارٌ ۚ أُولَٰئِكَ أَعْتَدْنَا لَهُمْ عَذَابًا أَلِيمًا

On Allah the repentance/return is only for those who do evil in ignorance and repent/return soon afterwards; to those people Allah returns/accepts repentence . And Allah is knowledgeable, Wise.

If a person has done an evil act and his conscience is blaming him and he is suffering from psychological hurts, the way to get out of the evil is to do Tauba/repentance with Allah. This  repentance is accepted by Allah if done timely i.e not delayed for too long and with the intention of not repeating the act again.  Indication of acceptance of Tauba is that you will not be repeating the bad act.

39:53-54  قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ  وَأَنِيبُوا إِلَىٰ رَبِّكُمْ وَأَسْلِمُوا لَهُ مِن قَبْلِ أَن يَأْتِيَكُمُ الْعَذَابُ ثُمَّ لَا تُنصَرُونَ

Say. “O my Servants who have transgressed against their nafs! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah. for Allah forgives all sins. for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful; and turn ye to your Lord (in repentance) and bow to His (Will), before the Penalty comes on you, after that ye shall not be helped.

Allah will forgive all sins with the condition mentioned in above Ayahs, that you have to turn to your Lord before the penalty comes. If the evil act is continued to that stage that punishment starts then you will not be helped at this stage.

39:55-56  وَاتَّبِعُوا أَحْسَنَ مَا أُنزِلَ إِلَيْكُم مِّن رَّبِّكُم مِّن قَبْلِ أَن يَأْتِيَكُمُ الْعَذَابُ بَغْتَةً وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَشْعُرُونَ أَن تَقُولَ نَفْسٌ يَا حَسْرَتَا عَلَىٰ مَا فَرَّطتُ فِي جَنبِ اللَّهِ وَإِن كُنتُ لَمِنَ السَّاخِرِينَ

And follow the best of (the courses) revealed to you from your Lord, before the Penalty comes on you suddenly while you don’t perceive it. “Lest the nafs should (then) say. ‘Alas in that I neglected towards Allah, and was but among those who mocked!’-

If you continue doing the evil acts, there comes at some point within the worldly life, the punishment. When the punishment comes then it will be too late to repent and ask for forgiveness.  When you realize your mistake, take ownership and ask forgiveness before the worldly punishment comes, then Allah may forgive and save you from the punishment.

17:80  وَقُل رَّبِّ أَدْخِلْنِي مُدْخَلَ صِدْقٍ وَأَخْرِجْنِي مُخْرَجَ صِدْقٍ وَاجْعَل لِّي مِن لَّدُنكَ سُلْطَانًا نَّصِيرًا

Say. “O my Lord! Let my entry be by the entrance of Truth, and my exit be the exit of Truth; and grant me from your presence an authority for (my) help.”

The psychological hurts cannot be helped with the help of falsehood and lies. You have to make your life the life of truthfulness in order to help heal the psychological hurts, confess to Allah your the mistakes with the will to do corrections and not repeat the evil acts. Deceiving oneself with lies and lame justifications is not going to help.

41:34  وَلَا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّيِّئَةُ ۚ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ

Nor is goodness and Evil equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better. Then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were your friend and intimate!

Goodness and evil acts are not equal. Therefore believers cannot return the same acts which oppressors do to them. They have to return the wrongdoing with better things.

42:40-41  وَجَزَاءُ سَيِّئَةٍ سَيِّئَةٌ مِّثْلُهَا ۖ فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُ عَلَى اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّهُ لَا يُحِبُّ الظَّالِمِينَ  وَلَمَنِ انتَصَرَ بَعْدَ ظُلْمِهِ فَأُولَٰئِكَ مَا عَلَيْهِم مِّن سَبِيلٍ

The recompense for a wrong doing is a similar wrong doing (which will be inflicted by Allah). but if a person forgives and makes correction, his reward is due from Allah. for (Allah) does not love those who do wrong.

If some one inflicts evil acts on others, he will get automatically an equivalent return from Allah. The believers help themselves when they are wronged, from the knowledge of the fact that the oppressor who have oppressed them, will meet similar fate (by Allah) and they don’t have to take their own revenge.

Notes:

Lectures by Scholar Br. Mohammad Shaikh on the topic of Consolation of psychological hurts:

https://www.iipccanada.com/category/english-video-lectures/govern-yourself/

https://www.iipccanada.com/2017/12/13/nafsiyati-zakhmon-ki-tasali-2012/

 

 

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